If I had to pick a least favourite venue in my state, it’d probably be Qudos Bank Arena. It’s so big and impersonal and an absolute pain to get to. It takes so long to get there that I always have to skip the nice meal that I usually enjoy before seeing a show and settle for something unhealthy, overpriced, and unsatisfying at the venue. It takes a lot for me to motivate myself to see someone perform there, but the lure of some of the biggest names in ‘90s music proved too strong. And so I found myself in this most hated venue, predictably running late with greasy hot chips, on Friday night.

These nostalgia shows are always an interesting experience. You settle yourself in to see a bunch of acts you’d never see if they were headlining. But put them all together and you know if nothing else, you’re bound to have a good time singing along with the songs you remember from your youth. And if one act is terrible, well you know they’ll be off the stage soon enough, replaced by someone else you might like better.

Young MC kicked off proceedings, he of “Bust a Move” fame. I didn’t expect a lot from Young MC, to be honest, but he proved a real surprise package. He’s put on more than a few kgs since the 90s, but he still performs with great enthusiasm. He’s clearly loved his time in Australia; his Blues State of Origin jersey and his unexpected cover of “Beds are Burning” showed the affection he has for the country. “Bust a Move” got us all grooving, just as we knew it would. His rapid-fire rapping at the end was a parting reminder that Young MC has more talent than the average one-hit wonder.

Tone Loc couldn’t quite live up to his superlative introduction in my eyes. The big hits like “Wild Thing” and “Funky Cold Medina” were good fun, but Young MC had set such a high bar. Tone was certainly solid, and the moment when he brought some hot young things on stage to dance along with him a real highlight. Maybe I was just feeling a lull as I waited for Color Me Badd to take the stage.

Color Me Badd were one of my favourite “boy bands” of the 90s. The songs, the moves, the harmonies … well, they’ve got two out of three of them now. When I saw the set times earlier in the week, I was gutted that Color Me Badd got just 15 minutes on stage. However, even that dragged for me. This was a set that left me with so many questions. When did they shrink from a five-piece to a three-piece? Where did my favourite, Sam Watters, go? Did they really think no one would notice if they switched out one black guy with another? When did Bryan Abrams balloon and then decide he wasn’t going to do the choreography any more? Honestly, it was all a bit painful. Bryan wandered around aimlessly, singing just always slightly out of the pocket, while the other guys from the band danced around him. They delivered the big three songs – “I Wanna Sex You Up,” “All 4 Love,” and “I Adore Mi Amore” – but as a fan from way back when, I wish they’d given us “Choose” instead of “Blame it on the Boogie.” When you feel you have to rely on covers to fill a 15-minute slot, it’s a bit sad.

Coolio brought things back on track. I was never a massive fan back in the day, but he totally charmed me. He was such a giving performer, left of center but entertaining from start to finish. “C U When U Get There,” which he dedicated to the memory of so many figures we’ve lost like Prince, Muhammad Ali, Aliyah, and Whitney Houston, was so special. “Gangsta’s Paradise” had us all in raptures. I rose to my feet to applaud him off, so impressed was I with his set.

Salt-N-Pepa were another big drawcard for me and, unlike Color Me Badd, they delivered. Those women have lost nothing over the years. They sound phenomenal, they look the business, and they know just how to move. They also still travel with such good looking backing dancers. Their abs, my god. Thanks for that ladies! As a woman growing up at a certain time, Salt N Pepa have a huge part of my heart. They taught me a different way that women could be, so confident and unapologetic. Finally seeing them live, and seeing them still at the top of their game, it really made the night for me.

I had long questioned the decision for Vanilla Ice to headline, and I did so again after Salt-N-Pepa performed so phenomenally. What on earth could he do that would top them? Would this show limp home? I’m going to say the show limped home, because I was sort of entertained, but in that sort of car crash way. He spent the first few “songs” freestyling about being in Sydney, teasing us with references to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Ice Ice Baby. A good rapper can freestyle and have you in the palm of their hand. But Vanilla Ice, well, it just sort of felt like he was filling up a set. I won’t say I wasn’t bemused by his talk of what he got up to in the 90s, including some R. Kelly inspired sexual encounters. But then there were weird trance-dance passages that just felt like noise. I considered leaving, but I don’t think you can skip out on Vanilla Ice without hearing “Ice Ice Baby.” It was far from a perfect rendition. His voice was never strong, but it’s gotten much rougher over the years, and that detracted. But you’d be lying if you said you don’t enjoy that song. That big single should have been his swan song, but he continued on afterwards. Needless to say, I didn’t stick around to find out how long. It’s a long way back from Homebush to the Central Coast, and I’d seen what I came to see.

I Love the ‘90s wasn’t the perfect show. In fact, some acts were dreadful. But there was also some great talent too. The crowd was also awesome, singing along enthusiastically to the nostalgic tracks the DJ served up while the sets changed. What a fun night. Can we make this an annual thing?